


Right Where We Are

by thatsmistertoyou



Series: Right Where We Are [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Family Feels, Flirting, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Loneliness, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Making Out, Skype, implied biphobia, none of that is done by phils family they just talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-19 08:55:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3604131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsmistertoyou/pseuds/thatsmistertoyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan’s feeling lonely between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, so Phil invites him to stay with his family for a few days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Right Where We Are

**Author's Note:**

> what do you mean you’re not feeling fics that have to do with christmas anymore bc it’s the middle of january? bullshit, read this. no really it’s a good time and doesn’t include much festivity anyway. thanks to the babes philslesters and galaxyphan for their help <3

_Can you come on skype?_

_Yeah, give me like 5 min and pray my parents internet holds out x_x_

_It’s okay if you can’t_

_Dan._

_Yeah, yeah. See you in 5_

Dan places his phone down on the bed and transfers his laptop onto his lap. He double checks that he’s logged into Skype, which is highly unnecessary, as he hasn’t logged out in days.

He pretends it wasn’t meant to be a subtle hint to Phil that he’s been available to talk, but that’s definitely not true. They’ve been texting and calling periodically in the few days since Dan’s been home and Phil’s still been at his parents’. And Dan knows that if he asked, Phil would drop everything to Skype with him, or even come home. He’s not trying to play games, really; he’s just lonesome. So his compromise between asking Phil to abandon his family and stewing in his own boredom is keeping up their regular methods of talking and staying signed into Skype.

It isn’t working.

Dan’s laptop dings to let him know Phil has come online. Dan waits for maybe thirty seconds before Phil’s calling him, and he presses the ‘answer with video’ button.

The picture is quite grainy, but Dan considers himself lucky that there are more than three pixels on the screen. Phil had complained that the internet there was too slow and the signal strength too weak to hold a liveshow, so Dan crosses his fingers that it lasts at least a little while.

“Hey, you,” Dan greets his boyfriend, who gives him a smile in return.

“Hey. How’s sweet solitude treating you?”

“Oh, it’s been fantastic. The strippers just left and I’ve got some very hench guys coming over later. Figured I’d skype you on my break.”

“Right,” Phil snorts. Dan feigns offence.

“What? You don’t think I’m capable of having people over when you’re not here?”

“You’re perfectly capable. But odds of you actually doing it are very low.”

“True,” Dan frowns, and Phil laughs.

“Really, is everything alright? Usually day three of being alone in the apartment gets tough for you.”

Dan wants to joke further, accuse Phil of calling him dependent and keeping timelines of his loneliness, but it’s really no use.

“Yeah, been kinda crisis-y, what else is new?” he says, looking down at his lap and playing with a loose string on his jumper sleeve.

“What’s bothering you?”

Dan shrugs.

“Dunno, I guess just being alone gives me a lot of time to think, which inevitably leads to me thinking too hard and too long about things that one ought not think about long and hard.”

Phil opens his mouth to speak, but covers his mouth and giggles into his hands.

“Sorry, you just said ‘long and hard’ way too much then for me not to laugh.”

“You’re a child.”

“Sorry.”

Dan laughs and finally looks up from his lap. Phil’s giving him that concerned smile again, and Dan hates it because Phil doesn’t even need to say anything to get him to spill his guts, and loves it for the same reason.

“I guess being around my family just wore me down a bit. I have to be so careful around them that it’s hard for me to open up to  _you_ right now, which is downright ridiculous.”

Phil frowns and nods for Dan to continue, but doesn’t say anything.

“I just feel like most of my, like, extended family, doesn’t even like me. They don’t understand my career, they never really ask how I’m doing, and they keep asking me if I have a girlfriend. To which I reply ‘no’, because that is a technically accurate statement.”

“What if I became Philippa? Then I’d be your girlfriend.”

“Do we have to talk about Philippa?” Dan exaggerates a shudder, and Phil laughs.

“No, go on.”

“But yeah, I’m not out as bi to most of them. If I tried to explain it, they probably wouldn’t get it. And if they knew we were together, they’d just call me ‘gay’. Which is not only inaccurate but probably a bad thing, according to them, anyway.”

“You’ve mentioned that before, yeah.”

“Yeah, because I didn’t want you to think I just don’t  _want_  you to meet my family. Like, you’ve met most of them, but you haven’t like,  _met_ them. Like come to family things as my boyfriend, you know? Because I’d love that. I really would. But I just - I dunno how it would go over.”

“I believe you, Dan. I’d love to meet your family too, but not if it’s going to cause trouble for you.”

“Yeah, I mean my parents and my brother and my grandparents all love you so they’re not the issue. It’s holidays and major events like this that pose the problem; when my aunts and uncles and cousins are around, you know what I mean? And these are the times when I’d most like to have you with me.”

Phil nods sympathetically.

“You know how much I want to spend Christmas together. I’d just invite you to come up North with me for holidays but that wouldn’t really fix it, would it?”

Dan shrugs and pulls his jumper sleeves over his hands.

“It would fix my ‘I miss Phil’ problem, but not my ‘I don’t want my extended family to know I’m in a serious relationship with a man’ problem.”

“Yeah,” Phil replies, and they’re both silent for a few moments.

“I’m sorry, Dan. I wish I could make it better.”

“Only if you’ve got a magic potion that makes people stop making homophobic comments, respect you, and quit asking when you’re going to ‘settle down’. Seriously, my aunts and uncles must have asked that at least twice each.”

“Well you’ll be able to tell them you have eventually,” Phil pauses and thinks for a moment. “Although that’s probably not comforting.”

“Not really,” Dan says, but he’s smiling. “I’ll just send them wedding invitations and leave it at that.”

“That’d be pretty hilarious. We could send the invitations in boxes with GoPros in them to capture their reactions.”

“Oh, that’d be funny,” Dan replies, but he doesn’t laugh. It’s silent for a few moments before Phil speaks again.

“Talk to me, Bear. What happened?”

Dan sighs and bites his lip.

“Well first off, most of my family asked for money.  _Money,_ of all things, from an extended family member. Not even like, ‘get me a giftcard to this place’, or ‘if you can’t think of anything’. They just said to give them money. And they probably won’t even like, tell me what they bought with it. Makes me feel kinda used. So I made stupid envelopes so they wouldn’t forget who gave it to them, so really, who’s the winner here?”

Phil hugs the air in front of him, which would look quite odd to anyone else, but Dan knows it’s meant to convey the hug Phil would give him if they were together. They had developed quite a few of those gestures over the years, and this one’s probably Dan’s favourite.

He appreciates the sentiment, but it’s a poor substitute for the real thing.

“Yeah, and a couple of them made some vaguely homophobic comments at the dinner table. Like, they weren’t even that  _offensive_. Just more, I dunno, heteronormative? As though The Gays are a league of their own people who just go around being ‘other’ from straight people, and throwing glitter at them, you know? Which isn’t like, a huge deal, but it just kind of makes me feel like more of an outsider. Like my aunt said to me, ‘so Dan, are you still doing that thing with the Internet videos?’, or something to that effect. As though it’s some throwaway thing that I did for a while as opposed to, you know, my passion in life.”

“I understand that. I’m pretty sure my cousin thinks I do porn. And my grandad said he missed watching us on the radio every week, so I told him a bit about all the stuff we’ve been doing instead, and he wasn’t very enthusiastic about ‘that Sims game’.”

Dan and Phil sigh at the same time, and give a small laugh.

“It’s a hard knock life,” Dan says. “I’m glad I have people who understand, even if my family doesn’t.”

Phil nods and smiles.

“See? You just have to focus on that.”

“I guess.”

“And who knows? Maybe we’ll be able to spend Christmas together next year. This year was so big for us, who knows what next year will bring?” Phil says brightly.

“Yeah. And at least I get you back for New Year’s.”

“And pretty much every day thereafter,” Phil adds.

“Can’t wait.”

“Me neither.” Phil smiles, and his eyes light up and his eyebrows quirk up, like something has just occurred to him.

“What?”

“How would you feel about coming to Manchester?”

“What? Like, now?” Dan asks, his voice going higher with disbelief.

“Why not? You’re just sitting at home being lonely, and I miss you, and my family would love to see you.”

“First off, I haven’t just been sitting here. I filmed a danisnotonfire video  _and_ a gaming video, thanks very much.”

“Well done,” Phil says, genuinely but dismissively. “But really, come here for a few days, and we’ll take the train back to London on the 31st and have plenty of time to set up before everyone comes over.”

“Are you sure?” Dan says, still not sure it’s a good idea. “What will everyone think if someone sees me on the tube or something?”

Phil shrugs. “You’re thinking too hard. Unless someone sees you get off the train in Manchester, no one’s got any reason to suspect anything.”

“But someone could.”

“Dan.”

 _“Phil,”_  Dan says, a bit aggressively.

“You could always just say you have family in Manchester if anyone points it out. Because you do.”

Dan’s about to protest, but then it dawns on him.

“Aww, shut up.”

“It’s true! My mum was so disappointed that you weren’t coming with me. She has presents for you. And so do my dad and Martyn and Cornelia.”

“Well fuck, I didn’t get Martyn and Cornelia anything because I didn’t expect to see them until your birthday.”

“That’s okay, we can go shopping when you get here,” Phil says, clearly no longer focusing on Dan, as he had been clicking and scrolling with vigour for the past minute.

“You’re booking the train tickets aren’t you,” Dan says, and it’s more an admission of defeat than a question.

“Yes I am, because all signs point to you coming here. My family wants to see you and you want to see them, and there are presents waiting for you, and I miss you a lot.”

“Alright, fine. When do I leave?”

“Train leaves at half seven so you should probably get up around six.”

Dan groans and hides his face in his hands.

“Did you really have to book one that  _early?”_ Dan says, the word tasting sour on his tongue.

“The trip is over four hours and I want you here, like, yesterday. You can nap on the train. Or when you get here.”

“Where am I sleeping?”

“I have my own room here, remember? My mum took it upon herself to put that magazine poster of me on the door to greet me home.”

“Oh yeah,” Dan says, laughing.

“See? No reason not to come,” Phil says, pressing his mouse pad with a sense of finality. “There you go, we’re all booked.”

“Thanks, Phil. You always know what to do.”

Phil shrugs and grins at Dan.

“Only when it comes to you. Go pack, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You’ll see a zombie version of me, seeing as it’s already,” Dan glances at the time on his laptop, “three in the morning.”

“Sorry.”

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“Yes I am. Love you too.”

“Enjoy actual, restful sleep,” Dan says bitterly.

“You’ll thank me when we actually have most of the day to spend together.”

“Some of which  _will_ be spent napping, I can guarantee that.”

“Fine with me. Goodnight, Dan.”

“Night.”

x

Phil had offered to pick Dan up at the train station for old time’s sake, but Dan decided it was too risky. The last thing he wants is to be distracted from his holiday by someone noticing something in public- like, for example, Dan running the last few steps to get to Phil, wrapping his arms around him, and dipping him into a passionate kiss. That might not go unnoticed.

Unfortunately, his half-asleep train fantasies won’t come to be, and Dan’s left fidgeting with anticipation in the backseat of a cab. One of the many reasons he loves Phil is that Phil always makes him excited, or a bit less disheartened, about pretty much anything. Dan’s days became brighter when he got to start them with waking up next to Phil. He still gets butterflies about seeing Phil outside of their home and whenever Phil touches him. After over five years, he had never expected to still be so smitten; but his heart still skips a beat when he sees Phil leaning against the doorframe of the Lester house, waiting for him.

“Hey, you,” Phil says when Dan’s close enough to hear.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Dan replies, opening his arms for a hug as he walks the last few steps. Phil gives him a quick hug, which is a bit underwhelming, but then Dan remembers they’re still outside.

Phil steps aside to let Dan in, and as soon as the door’s shut and locked behind them and Dan’s dropped his bag, he scoops Dan back into his arms.

“Missed you,” he murmurs into Dan’s neck, and Dan grins.

“Missed you back.”

Dan pulls away just enough to look Phil in the face before he kisses him. He’d meant for it to be a quick ‘hello’, but Phil’s not having that. He kisses Dan back hard, pulling him in by the lapels of his leather jacket, for several long moments before someone’s loudly clearing their throat, and Dan knows exactly who it’ll be.

“Hi, Martyn,” Dan says, still looking at Phil - lovingly to the point of excess, probably - but he figures he’s allowed.

“I go upstairs for five minutes and come back and there’s some giant man snogging my brother,” he teases, and when Dan looks up, he’s already right there, his hand out for shaking. Dan jumps out of Phil’s embrace rather quickly to greet Martyn properly.

After five years, he should be beyond the point of caring about PDA in front of Phil’s family. But it’s the P part of that that they’ve always had to be careful about, so sometimes, he feels like he’s meant to be hiding something, even in safe spaces.

“Should be used to it by now, I reckon,” Dan says, mostly to himself, while grasping Martyn’s hand and patting him on the back with his other one. That’s Martyn’s favourite way to greet him - probably because it had gone so poorly the first time that Dan made a video about it.

“Never gets any less gross.”

Phil gives his brother a shove.

“As if I don’t have to watch you and Cornelia be cute all the time. It’s disgusting.”  

“I think that’s my cue,” Cornelia calls from what Dan assumes is the kitchen, and moments later, she’s joined them. Dan practically swallows her in his hug because she’s so tiny.

“So happy you’re here,” she says brightly, and Phil gives Martyn a scathing look.

“See? That’s how you greet a guest.”

“Or I’ll just follow your example and kiss him next time,” Martyn shrugs. “Who knows?”

Dan isn’t entirely sure that he’s joking.

“Where’s Mum and Dad?” Dan asks. Phil’s parents had insisted he call them that from the beginning of his relationship with Phil. It may have taken over two years of Dan either avoiding calling them by any name entirely, or, when he was forced to, calling them Mr. and Mrs. Lester, for them to take a stance and say they wouldn’t respond to anything less than Mum and Dad. Dan eventually obliged.

“In the garden, I think,” Phil replies, taking Dan by the hand and leading the way.

“It’s too cold to be outside right now,” Dan mutters in disapproval as Phil guides him through the lounge to the back door. Dan hasn’t been to this house since Phil’s parents moved here, and it’s quite different from the old one.

Phil pokes his head out of the door, and Dan peeks through the window. Phil’s parents are sat next to a fire pit in an enclosed area, reading.

“Guess who I found?”

“We’re not keeping it, whatever animal you found,” Mum says without looking up from her book. Phil pouts, and Dan has to cover his mouth with his free hand to keep from snorting.

“That’s rude, Mum, Dan’s not an animal,” Phil says, dragging Dan into view. Phil’s parents look up, and grin when they see him. Mum positively springs out of her chair.

“Dan! What’re you doing here?” she says, pulling him into a tight squeeze.

“Phil bullied me into waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to come here,” Dan says, rolling his eyes. “As if I wasn’t enjoying being free of him for a few days.”

Phil’s dad laughs and hugs Dan as well.

“Please tell me you’re here to take him home,” he says to Dan. “We just  _hate_ having him here.”

“Sorry,” Dan shrugs. “I was told there were presents and I’m not leaving without them.”

Dad narrows his eyes. “Well played.”

Everyone except Phil laughs, and Dan wraps an arm around Phil’s waist and kisses his hair.

“Don’t mind us, just having a bit of fun at your expense,” Mum says, but the exaggerated pout on Phil’s face remains.

“Let’s go inside,” he mumbles, and Dan just smiles and shakes his head as he follows.

“Wanna watch a film?” Martyn suggests when they enter the lounge.

Dan looks at Phil to see what he thinks. As much as he would like to, he’s exhausted, and he kind of wants to be alone with Phil for a while. In a great feat of best friend telepathy, Phil seems to understand, and shakes his head at the offer.  

“I think Dan needs a nap.”

“Yeah,” Dan agrees with a yawn, as if on cue. “I’ll just fall asleep in the middle of it.”

“Alright, have a good sleep,” Cornelia replies as Martyn joins her on the sofa.

“Right, because they’re really going to  _sleep_ ,” Martyn says, and Cornelia shoots him a disapproving look. “Glare all you want,  _you’re_ not the one whose bedroom was right next to Phil’s when they first met. I’ve heard far too much in my time.”

Dan and Phil both go bright red.

“You’re so rude,” Cornelia says, shaking her head.

“He’s my little brother, it’s my job to tease him.”

“I think you’ve filled your quota for the day,” she replies, giving Dan and Phil a nod that says ‘go before he opens his big mouth again’.

Phil grabs Dan’s bag before they head upstairs to Phil’s room. It’s fully furnished but sparsely decorated; only the poster of Phil from  _Shout_ and a mirror hang on the walls.

“I miss my old bedroom,” Phil says, tossing Dan’s duffel onto the desk chair and collapsing on the bed.

“Me too,” Dan replies, kicking off his shoes and shrugging out of his jacket. He crawls beside Phil, who immediately wraps his arms around Dan and slings one leg over Dan’s hip.

“Lots of memories in that room,” Phil muses, burying his face in the crook of Dan’s neck.

“Yeah, like the first of many times you’ve practically cuddled me into suffocation,” Dan says indignantly, but he slips his hands under Phil’s shirt, rubbing his back and holding him close. “I kind of miss when your family wasn’t comfortable enough with me to tease us.”

“As if you’re not guilty of egging them on.”

“Oh, shut up,” Dan replies. “As least when they do it, it’s good natured.”

“Martyn joking about our sex life is good-natured?”

“He’s probably not exaggerating, so I’ll give him that,” Dan says, looking up at the ceiling. “But they just poke fun, you know what I mean? There’s a difference between that and taking the piss.”

Phil slinks out of Dan’s embrace and makes eye contact, his expression soft. Dan sighs and answers the question Phil doesn’t need to say aloud.

“Yeah, that’s what my family does. My cousin got engaged a few months ago, so she was showing everyone the ring, and my grandma gave me this look like ‘when are you gonna have a ring to show us?’ which is fine, if a bit annoying, cos she was talking about you. But then my auntie jumps in like, ‘hey Dan, when are you gonna put a ring on a pretty girl’s finger?’ and I was like, ‘I dunno, I’m kind of focused on my career at the moment’, and she was like,” Dan gave an exaggerated, obnoxious laugh, “‘oh, I see, Daniel’s too committed to the internet to find a girl’.”

Phil frowns, brushing Dan’s hair from his face. “She says that as though those things are mutually exclusive.”

“Exactly!” Dan says, exasperated. “Like, am I stupid for reading too much into that? Cos I feel like it says a lot. One, that there’s some kind of timeline that I’m apparently not adhering to. I spent too long doing what other people expected of me, and now that I’m off doing my own thing - which she doesn’t think is legitimate - I’m being shoved back into this box of expectations. Which also assumes that I’m straight. And, once again, that my  _career_ is just some silly thing that keeps me glued to a computer screen all the time instead of getting engaged to a pretty girl.”

Dan covers his face in his hands, partly out of frustration and partly so that he doesn’t have to see Phil giving him sad, pitying puppy eyes.

“But you know that’s not true,” Phil says softly. “You know that you’re doing what’s best for you, at your own pace, and in your own way. It’s your life, and it is unfair that some of your family can’t see that. But it  _is_ yours.”

Dan sits up on his elbows and looks at Phil, who’s smiling sheepishly.

“If that makes any sense or is any help at all. That’s what I tell myself when my distant relatives start talking about ‘that internet thing’. They choose to live a life without all the magic the internet has to offer, and that’s up to them. I don’t understand why my grandad was an accountant, but I’m still the better person for not criticizing his choices.”

Dan nods. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. They’re truly missing out, aren’t they? If they can’t appreciate what we do, then we have millions to back us up.” Dan meant that partially sarcastically, but Phil grins at him.

“Right,” Phil agrees, leaning forward and pressing his lips to Dan’s. Dan kisses him back, and Phil continues to lean down, their mouths still connected, until Dan’s head is resting on the pillow again and Phil is tangled up with him.

“Now sleep for a while,” Phil says softly when he pulls away.

“You expect me to sleep when you just kissed me like that? Right,” Dan says, smirking and letting his hand graze down Phil’s thigh.

“Yes,” Phil says resolutely. “Because I can tell that you’re tired and the last thing I need is for you to fall asleep in the middle of something.”

“That was  _one time,_ ” Dan whines, but he knows the battle is lost. And that that’s a lie. So he wiggles around a bit until he’s comfortable and thoroughly entwined with Phil. It’s not long before he drifts off with Phil’s steady breathing acting as his lullaby.

x

A timid knock at the door wakes Dan from his rest, and he uses all of his slowly increasing consciousness to curse himself for being a light sleeper, so he doesn’t hear what the person knocking said. They knock again.

“Sorry, what?” Dan calls, and Mum’s voice answers.

“Dinner’s almost ready, if you two wanted to come down.”

“Okay, thanks,” Dan says, glancing down at Phil. Predictably, he’s still asleep. Dan sighs.

“Phil, wake up,” he says, but he knows the only way to wake Phil up is to do the hardest step of getting out of bed: disentangling their limbs and leaving Phil with nothing to cling to. Dan gently eases out of Phil’s embrace and climbs out of the bed.

Dan counts back from ten, watching Phil, and he doesn’t get to four before Phil’s grimacing and reaching out into the space where Dan was. He lets out a sleepy groan.

“Time for dinner,” Dan says, and that makes Phil open his eyes and frown.

“But cuddles.”

“But food.”

Phil seems to consider that before heaving himself upright and rubbing his eyes.

“Why didn’t I take my contacts out?” Phil mutters.

“Because you were overwhelmed by the majesty that is my presence and forgot,” Dan says matter-of-factly, messing with his hair in front of Phil’s mirror.

“Obviously,” Phil yawns, stretching his arms out and getting out of bed. He ambles to Dan and wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, hooking his chin over Dan’s shoulder.

“You’re interrupting my hair adjustment,” Dan says, feigning annoyance.

“Your mum’s interrupting your hair adjustment.”

“ _Your_ mum’s interrupting my napping.”

“True. We’ll have to resume the cuddles later.”

“Do you seriously plan your day around when you get to cuddle me? That’s pretty gross.”

“Just when I have to make up for lost time,” Phil says, pecking Dan’s cheek and releasing him.

“Still gross,” Dan says as he leads Phil out of the room and down the stairs.

Dan makes a mental note to have Phil give him a proper tour of the house, because it’s disorienting to not know his way around the Lester household, and he has to let Phil pass him and lead the way to the dining room.

Dan takes a seat between Phil and Cornelia and watches Mum place the last of the half a dozen serving dishes on the table.

“Are you cooking for six or an army, Mum?” Martyn asks, shaking his head as he helps himself to some potatoes.

“We have guests!” she insists. “I wanted to make a nice meal.”

“They’re hardly guests,” Dad says, looking at Dan and Cornelia and then to his wife. She smiles knowingly.

“Absolutely. Nice to have the whole family together.”

Dan’s grown pretty used to how open the Lester clan is about emotional subjects, but he thinks he’ll never be accustomed to how their offhand comments can make him tear up. He bites his lip and puts his plate into Phil’s outstretched hand. Phil squeezes Dan’s knee with his free hand.

“Thank you for having me,” Dan says when he’s sure he can keep his voice level. Mum and Dad grin at him.

“Our pleasure,” Dad replies, and Phil slips Dan’s plate, now piled high with his favourites, back onto his placemat. He gives Phil a smile of thanks and turns back to Phil’s dad, but it’s his mum who speaks up next.

“We’d happily steal you from your own family for Christmas.”

“I’d be happy to let you, but I can’t,” he says, and he can feel Phil’s eyes on him, but he keeps his gaze fixed on his food.

“Yeah,” Phil agrees sadly. “Reason number one being that spending Christmas together is a really big hint to the internet.”

Dan doesn’t want to look up and see their pitying faces, but Martyn shaking his head catches his eye and Dan glances over at him.

“Maybe you could cover it up?” he suggests, and Phil shrugs.

“One more thing to cover up,” Dan murmurs, only loud enough for Phil to hear. Phil slips his left hand into Dan’s right and laces their fingers together in Dan’s lap in lieu of saying anything. Dan almost wants to put their hands on the table on the principle that they shouldn’t be hiding, but there was no point - no need to make a statement when it was already loud and clear. And there’s a difference between having a private moment and having a hidden moment.

“Plus my family might miss me,” Dan says, and he tries not to make it sound like the afterthought it is.

“Well you’re always welcome,” Mum replies. “On Christmas and birthdays and family holidays and everything in between.”

Dan smiles, and for all his eloquence, he can’t seem to find the words to properly express his gratitude, but he does his best.

“Thank you, really. I would love to come, but we can’t risk it.”

“Such a shame,” Cornelia pipes in. “Phil could use a better charades partner during our game tournaments in Florida.”

“Honestly,” Phil laments. “She’s terrible at guessing.”

“I resent that. Someone would have to be inside your head to know what this,” she balls her hands into fists, shakes them, and grins exaggeratedly, “is.”

“Maracas?” Dan guesses, and Cornelia groans.

“See what I mean?”

“That was  _clearly_ maracas,” Phil mumbles, clearly still bitter about his alleged lack of miming skill, and Dan releases their clasped hands to give him a condescending pat on the shoulder.

“We can’t invite Dan,” Martyn says. “They’ll beat us.”

“No, we can,” Cornelia insists. “Just put them on opposite teams and let them duke it out. They’ll be so focused on beating each other that we can swoop in and win.”

“Now we know your strategy,” Dan replies wryly. “So it won’t work.”

Everyone but Dan and Phil laughs.

“Right, because you’ll give up being competitive? Not a chance,” Martyn says. Phil sticks his tongue out at his brother.

“The only way to test this theory is for Dan to come with us,” Dad chimes in, smiling at Dan hopefully. Dan gives him a grateful nod, but doesn’t say anything.

“He can’t,” Martyn speaks up for him. “Because Phil’s room in the Florida house is right next to mine and I’m not risking hearing anything unsavory.”

Dan chokes on his drink, and Phil presumably kicks his brother under the table, but it’s his mum who yelps.

“Sorry, Mum,” Phil mumbles, going very red.

“Martyn,” Cornelia chastises. “That joke has run its course. We’re at the table.”

“Did I forget to teach you manners?” Mum says, shaking her head.

Dan surveys Phil’s parents, who seem to have a stronger reaction to the perceived rudeness of the joke than its content. He breathes a small sigh of relief. If that joke were made in front of Dan’s family, he’d probably never live down the accusation that he and his boyfriend of five years - gasp -  _have sex._

“Just having a bit of fun,” Martyn says, but he shoots Dan an apologetic glance, as Dan probably looks constipated.

“You know what’s fun?” Mum smoothly changes the subject to talking about an app that she can’t stop playing, and they chat and eat for a while longer before they’re all veritably stuffed.

Dan and Phil are excused from helping clean up on the grounds that they’ve spent most of Dan’s time there sleeping. Dan doesn’t have the heart to tell them that they’re probably going to do something that makes him sleepy one way or another, and lets Phil drag him back upstairs.

“What would you like to do?” Phil asks, plopping down onto his bed. Dan rakes his eyes over Phil’s body shamelessly.

“You get one guess.”

Phil smirks at Dan, lying back and scooting so there’s plenty of room for him. Dan climbs on top of Phil, his knees on either side of Phil’s hips. Dan props himself over Phil, just taking him in, before Phil seems to grow impatient. He taps Dan’s lips and then his own and gives a playful, wry smile.

“Use your words, Philip,” Dan quips.

“I’d very much like a kiss.”

“You can have two if you’re good,” Dan says, smirking as he presses his mouth to Phil’s once, twice - lingering and slow.

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, I’m all set,” Dan says, sitting back on his heels and crossing his arms. Phil pouts and makes grabby hands.

“You’re so  _needy_ ,” Dan teases.

“I’m a grown man; I have needs.”

“More like an  _old_ man.” Dan ducks down and peppers kisses along Phil’s jawline. “What are your needs? A nap and a walker? Maybe some children to shoo off of your lawn?”

“Shut  _up,_ ” Phil whines, placing his hands on Dan’s shoulders. “We already took a nap, so I’m all set.”  

"Good to know," Dan smirks, sealing their mouths together in a heated kiss. Phil snakes his arms round Dan’s back, all the way down to his hips. Phil’s fingers drum against the bit of exposed skin where Dan’s jumper had rode up, before they grab the hem and yank it upward.

Dan pulls away from the kiss, keeping his body hunched over and stretching his arms forward. Phil pulls the jumper off and discards it, smiling at Dan when he sits up straight.

"What?" Dan asks, even though he knows the gist of how Phil will respond. Nothing wrong with a bit of fishing for affection.

"You’re beautiful."

"I know, right?" Dan teases, puffing his chest out and combing his fingers through his hair with an exaggerated flick.

Phil runs his hands over Dan’s stomach, his fingers spread wide enough that Dan can feel each of them individually.

"You are," Phil insists, his eyes still following his hands. Phil’s thumbs graze over Dan’s nipples, making him gasp quietly, on their way up. Phil clasps his hands behind Dan’s neck and pulls him down into a series of long kisses.

"Your family’s downstairs," Dan points out, but the idea is a bit moot because he murmurs it against Phil’s mouth before slipping his tongue inside.

"They’re not gonna walk in on us," Phil replies when his tongue is free enough to do so. "And we can be quiet."

Dan smirks, and as much as he  _wants_ to, there’s a terrible funk lurking in the back of his mind that’s making it hard to focus on just Phil, who should be his priority in this scenario. He shouldn’t be thinking about how Phil’s family is downstairs, or how hesitant he’d be to do this in his parents’ house, or the fact that they’ve had sex at Phil’s parents’ house a million times but this isn’t the same house. But he is.

He ducks down and tucks his face into the crook of Phil’s neck, and he means to give him a lovebite, but he just sighs.

“Given how much your brother has joked about it in this one day only, I doubt it,” Dan murmurs into Phil’s skin. “I dunno.”

“Well, use your words,” Phil says, as though he can feel Dan’s reluctance in his breath. “What’s the matter?”

“This feels weird,” Dan sighs. “Like not, you know, physically. I’m just really distracted, is all.”

“Okay. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” Phil reassures him.

“Yeah, it’s just - it’s not that I didn’t miss you. Because I did. But spending so much time with my family over Christmas has made me feel really weird about privacy and stuff so I’m thinking maybe we should just wait til we’re home?”

Dan feels a bit stupid for suggesting it, and for how high his voice gets when he asks. But Phil is as understanding as ever.

“Sure,” Phil says, rubbing Dan’s back soothingly. “Sounds good.”

“Okay. I won’t apologize because I know you’re going to call me a silly wombat or something if I do.”

“That’s right,” Phil confirms.

Dan wiggles out of Phil’s embrace and lies beside him, letting his eyes trail around the room.

“I still miss your old room,” he says, the back of his hand brushing against Phil’s.

“Me too,” Phil agrees. “Is that why you’re not comfortable here? Because this doesn’t look like my room?”

“Partially. Also I can’t have sex unless Sarah Michelle Gellar is watching from the ceiling. It’s just a rule that I like to live my life by.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Phil says, hoisting himself upright and leaning over the side of the bed. He leans back up and tosses Dan’s jumper at him, which hits him in the face. Phil laughs while Dan rolls his eyes and puts it back on.

“Want to go back downstairs, then?”

“In a minute,” Phil says carefully, and Dan raises an eyebrow. “You’re still a bit… excited.” Phil stares pointedly at Dan’s crotch, and Dan glances down.

“No I’m not.”

“Made you look!” Phil chides, and Dan buries his face in his hands.

“Are you twelve? Or, better yet, do you think  _I’m_ twelve? Because that’s approximately how old I’d have to be in order to maintain an erection while we were having a discussion.”

“That’s approximately how many extra words there were in that sentence.”

“You’re awful.”

“You love me.”

“I really don’t,” Dan insists, and Phil pulls him by the hand off of the bed.

“You wouldn’t be about to play some intense version of a board game with my family if you didn’t.”

“Is that what’s waiting for us downstairs? Maybe I should’ve kept going.”

“Probably. And you love board games.”

“That’s one thing we can agree on,” Dan laughs, following Phil down the steps and to the lounge.

As it turns out, Phil’s prediction proves correct. The rest of Phil’s family is gathered round the coffee table, apparently playing a very charged game of Scrabble.

“Who’s winning?” Phil asks.

“They are,” his mum sighs, gesturing helplessly to her son and husband. “We’ve just started and they’ve already got triple word!”

“The trick is to build towards the corners,” Dad says matter-of-factly.

Dan and Phil sit down by the opposite side of the table and watch the madness unfold. Cornelia manages to catch the girls’ team up with a few double letter spaces, only to have Martyn steal the lead again. Phil keeps score while Dan peeks at each team’s letters and gives them suggestions.

“What’re you helping them for?” Martyn asks, offended.

“I’m not playing; I’m impartial. I can give both teams advice. You’re welcome for that last one, by the way.”

Martyn squints at Dan in an attempt at menace, when he suddenly bursts out laughing. Mum and Cornelia stop chatting about their next move, and everyone looks at Martyn.

“What?” Dan asks.

“Your jumper’s inside out. Classic.”

A wave of realisation sweeps over the Lesters, and all of them laugh, except Phil.

“Oh my  _god,_ ” Dan laments, glancing down at it. He drops his forehead onto Phil’s shoulder, because he can feel his cheeks burning. “It’s not what it looks like,” he says helplessly.

Phil pats his knee. “There’s no coming back from that one, I’m afraid.”

“This is like a bloody nightmare.”

“Don’t worry, love,” Mum pipes in. “It happens to the best of us.”

At that, Martyn’s eyes widen, horrified at what his mother had just implied.

“Can’t take what you dish out, eh?” Cornelia teases him, and he remains conspicuously silent for several minutes thereafter.

x

Dan and Cornelia emerged victorious from the tournament that had ultimately transpired when they paired off into three teams. Dan would never admit that he chose Cornelia as his partner just to get Martyn and Phil on the same team, because he knew that their attempts to antagonize each other would take precedence over winning. And that Phil’s parents preferred to be on the same team. Nope - it had just been dumb luck.

When Mum and Dad go to bed, Martyn puts on some B-grade horror film that renders all but Dan totally unfazed.

“That blood definitely looks like ketchup,” Cornelia points out during a scene that’s supposed to be suspenseful, so Dan jumps a little. Phil’s got his arm resting on the back of the sofa behind Dan, and he lets it drop down onto Dan’s shoulder. Dan jumps again, legitimately started.

“The fuck, Phil?”

“I didn’t actually try to scare you that time. I was trying to comfort you because this film is awful but you’re still scared for some reason.”

“Some of us don’t read Stephen King books as bedtime stories.”

Phil makes a noise of agreement, and he pulls Dan a bit closer. Dan scoots into a more comfortable position, his hand resting on Phil’s knee and his legs propped up on the coffee table. When they watched The Blair Witch Project years prior, Dan literally wound up in Phil’s lap by the end of the film. That would be hilarious at best and impractical at worse now that Dan is taller than Phil, but Dan realises that that’s the only thing stopping him from curling into Phil’s chest. Surprisingly, he doesn’t feel the need to hold back in front of Martyn and Cornelia, who are equally as snuggled up on the loveseat. He’s content to just squeeze Phil’s leg whenever he’s startled and relax into his embrace.

He remembers worrying that he and Phil would just fall out of love and into routine like so many couples do, but the longer he’s with Phil, the more he understands that those things aren’t mutually exclusive. Given the extent to which they keep their relationship private, their ages, and how long they’ve been together - he just doesn’t feel compelled to be all over Phil all the time. It’s fun when it happens, and sometimes it’s frustrating when he knows he can’t, but Dan’s learned that growing out of that phase isn’t an indication of loss, but of maturity.

By the time the film ends, Cornelia has fallen asleep against Martyn, who looks very reluctant to move.

“Bedtime?” Phil says to Dan sleepily. Dan nods, hoisting himself off of the sofa and helping Phil up after him.

“Night,” Martyn says quietly, giving them a small wave. They bid him goodnight as well, and Dan leads the way back to Phil’s bedroom.

As soon as Phil shuts the door behind them, he starts unbuttoning his shirt. Dan follows suit, stripping off his clothes to change into pyjamas.

“Do you ever miss when we were all over each other?” Dan asks Phil, who has just stripped completely naked.

“Sometimes,” Phil says, stepping into a fresh pair of boxers. “Although it’s nice to be able to change in front of you without feeling the need to do anything.”

“Yeah, same,” Dan replies, putting on one of Phil’s t-shirts. “I used to think that I like, I dunno, owed you something by exposing my flesh.”

Phil raises his eyebrows, slightly concerned.

“Not that you ever pressured me or anything. I just kind of regarded nudity as inherently sexual. Which would just get damn inconvenient, to be honest. If we fooled around every time I saw you naked, we wouldn’t do anything but have sex, sleep, and cuddle.”

“That wouldn’t be horrible,” Phil concedes, and they both laugh.

“Don’t tempt me, Phil,” Dan says, ambling into the en suite bathroom. “Can you bring me my toiletries thing from my bag?”

Phil makes an exaggerated groan in protest, but joins Dan moments later, bag in hand.

“Thanks,” Dan says, plopping the bag on the counter, unzipping it, and removing his toothbrush. Phil makes a face.

“Did you  _have_ to bring that one?”

“Yes I did,” Dan says gleefully, applying toothpaste to the brush that Phil had bought him as a joke.

Phil hadn’t expected the batteries to last so long, so he was stuck listening to Dan brush his teeth to the tune of  _We’re All In This Together_ from High School Musical twice a day for several weeks - a fact that Dan was very pleased with.

Dan hums along obnoxiously, watching Phil use the toothbrush that Dan had bought him in retaliation, which was shaped like Thor at the end.

When they both finish up and rinse out their mouths, Phil shakes his head.

“This toothbrush is too small,” Phil complains.

“Almost like it’s meant for children,” Dan replies, leaning over the sink to wash his face.

“ _You_ bought it for me,” Phil replies.

“Which is the only reason you use it.”

“When that thing,” Phil makes a face at the singing toothbrush, “dies, I’ll stop using it.”

“That really doesn’t make any sense. I like using this one, and you don’t like using yours. So, logically, I would continue to use this one while you go back to a normal one. Also, to avoid being annoyed by my toothbrush, you could get ready for bed before or after I do. All your problems - solved,” Dan concludes, wiping his face on a towel.

“Too bad I love you and want to show my appreciation by using something you gave me.”

“That’s really unfortunate,” Dan says, leaning against the counter and watching Phil remove his contacts. “Sounds like your life would be easier if we weren’t married as hell.”

“Would it really?” Phil questions, putting his glasses on and messing with his hair. “Based on what we just said, I’d get a lot more sex and a lot less perceived obligation to be in your company.”

“Good thing you love me, then,” Dan quips, swooping down and giving Phil a kiss on the cheek before he saunters back to the bedroom. He grabs his laptop from his bag and settles on his side of the bed. Phil grabs a book on his way to the bed, switching on the lamp on the bedside table. Dan pouts.

“I like it dark in here.”

“I can’t read by the light of your laptop.”

“You’re ruining my internet cave aesthetic.”

“You’re ruining my eyesight.”

“Your eyesight’s already awful, old man.”

“It’s not as bad as your posture.”

“Right, because you’re the picture of spinal health.”

“What does that even mean?” Phil laughs, and Dan frowns.

“Fine,” Dan concedes. “Leave the light on.”

Dan slumps into his browsing position for an indeterminate amount of time - Phil’s comment about his posture be damned - until he notices Phil nodding off against the headboard, his book still open in his hands.

“Sleep,” he tells Phil, who mumbles his agreement. He bookmarks his page, places his glasses on the bedside table, and switches off the lamp.

“Night, Dan,” Phil says sleepily, giving Dan a peck on the cheek. Dan turns his head to kiss Phil properly, lingering just a bit before pulling away.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Phil lies down, his back pressed against Dan’s leg.

Dan continues his Wikipedia odyssey that somehow leads him from his initial search about how much blood is in the human body to orca whales. When his laptop starts dying, he figures his browsing time has run his course, and switches it off, rendering the room completely dark. He slinks down and gently gropes around for Phil, who is apparently awake.

“Turn over,” he says quietly, and Dan obliges, shifting onto his other side. He feels Phil curl around him, an arm slung over his waist and legs slotted together. Phil rests his head against Dan’s shoulder blade, which is Dan’s favourite part of being the little spoon. He prefers to be the big one, but Phil always just seems to know when it’s time to reverse roles - usually when they’ve been apart for a while, or when Dan’s been upset. This time, it’s both.

“Thanks for making me come here,” Dan says, playing with Phil’s fingers.

“Yeah,” Phil breathes, and Dan can tell that any attempts at conversation are futile.

Phil’s breathing slows and becomes steady, proving Dan’s point. He closes his eyes and eventually drifts off, but not before kicking the duvet off, because Phil is an actual space heater.

x

The next few days with the Lesters are quite relaxing: full of game tournaments, leftover Christmas food, and film-watching. Dan doesn’t spend every moment of it with Phil, as Phil didn’t want to help his mum bake mince pies.

“I’ve always wondered how you make them from scratch,” Dan says. He’s mostly just been watching Mum prepare them and fetching utensils when she asks.

“Oh, it’s easy,” she replies. “‘Course, I hardly even think about how I do it, but it gets done.”

“Been baking for a long time?”

“Ever since I was a little girl,” she says with a smile. “And more so when I got married, cos Nigel loves pastries.”

Dan nods and helps her put the pies in the oven.

“Yeah, we like baking too, but it’s always so full of banter that we have to film it every time, which adds a bit more work.”

Mum smiles. “I love those ones! They’re my favourites.”

“Yeah, we like them too,” Dan replies, closing the oven and leaning against the counter. Mum sets the timer and sits down at the table.

“You know when I started baking even more?”

“When?” Dan asks, sitting across from her.

“When I had children. You know how they are about sweets,” she says, her eyes bright and encouraging. Dan plays along.

“Yeah, they’re probably worse than I am.”

“You get used to it,” she says, still smiling. Dan raises his eyebrows.

“Anything you’re trying to get at, Mum?”

She feigns surprise, opening her mouth and leaning back in her seat.

“I dunno what you’re talking about, Dan,” she says. “But now that you asked… I was wondering when I might have some grandchildren.”

Dan snorts, and Mum looks exaggeratedly affronted.

“Me and Phil aren’t thinking about that for a while. We’d like to be married first, I think.”

She grins, leaning forward and propping her head up on her elbow.

“Interesting point. I don’t suppose you were thinking about that yet either?”

Dan has to laugh.

“Check back in a year or so. Things are looking good for that, yes, but we’re not in a hurry.”

She sighs, but there’s no disappointment in it.

“Alright, I can wait,” Mum says, laughing when she looks at Dan, who’s making no effort to hide his amusement.

“What? I’m getting old, I want grandchildren while I can still keep up with them.”

“Would you believe we’ve been trying to get pregnant and it hasn’t worked?” Dan jokes, and Mum snorts.

“Oh, hush,” she laughs.  

It’s quiet for a few moments before she speaks up again.

“I’m only joking, you know. You and Phil take your time. We’ll be with you every step of the way.”

Dan smiles. “That means a lot, really. Thank you.”

“‘Course. Just want my son to be happy.”

“Me too,” Dan agrees, and Mum winks at him.

“Wasn’t talking about Phil just then,” she says. Dan barely has time to blush before he hears someone approach the kitchen.

“Why weren’t you?” Phil says as he enters the room.

“Not everything’s about you,” Dan teases, and he swears that Mum is still smiling when Phil steals him from the room.

x

Dan and Phil remain mostly quiet on the train home on the 31st, save for discussing New Year’s party plans. Phil actually managed to get them out of the house on schedule, so they would have plenty of time to prepare, as promised.

Dan can’t help but breathe a small sigh of relief when they step into their flat. He likes being in the space that belongs to them and no one else.

“‘S good to be home,” Phil calls to Dan from his bedroom.

“Yeah,” Dan agrees, and he finishes unpacking in no time, so he opts to help Phil. He tosses all the shirts he remembers Phil wearing into a laundry pile on the floor, and Phil frowns at him.

“What? Can’t be bothered to get the hamper.”

“We’re going to have guests over.”

“Give me one reason they’d come in here.”

Phil frowns, but remains silent while he plugs in all of his chargers.

“Thought so,” Dan says smugly. It’s silent for a minute or so before Dan speaks again. “You know, I really did have a good time with your family.”

“Glad you did,” Phil replies. True to form, he goes to Dan’s room to get the hamper.

“Is it weird that I felt more comfortable there than I did with my own family?”

Phil shrugs when he returns to the room. “Counterintuitive, maybe, but not unheard of.”

Dan sighs and starts tossing the clothes into the hamper. “I dunno. Just, the whole vibe was different, you know what I mean? With my cousins around I felt like I couldn’t relax. Like, even when I was talking to your mum about marriage and children and things, I didn’t feel pressured. It was just a conversation. I felt like she cared about what we wanted, not just that we were checking off some predetermined checklist for adulthood.”

“…You talked to my mum about marriage and children?”

“Yeah. And she kind of called me her son and maybe I got a bit emotional about it.”

“That’s cos you are,” Phil replies, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I guess that’s it, then. I really felt like I belonged. I just wish I knew how to do that with my own family.”

Phil nods and thinks for a minute.

“Maybe you could start small?” he offers. “You could go see your parents more often, or they could come here. They’ve never stayed with us.”

“Yeah,” Dan agrees. “Maybe I do need to integrate you into my family things. Little by little. Nobody needs to know anything else til I tell them.”

“Exactly. And what better way to start than to invite your parents into our lovely home?” Phil says in a very posh voice and gestures around. Dan laughs.

“It is lovely, now that it’s rid of dirty clothes,” he says, closing the hamper and hoisting Phil’s suitcase off of the bed with an air of finality. “Do you really think it’s a good idea?”

“Yeah,” Phil says. “It was mine, so it’s definitely a good one. If I had thought of it in the shower, I would say it was great.”

“Alright, I’ll do it next year,” Dan says, smirking at his own joke. “In the meantime, we need to go to the shop because we have no snacks and that would make for the worst party ever.”

Phil agrees, but doesn’t stand up from the bed when Dan does.

“Let’s go, then,” Dan encourages, but Phil pouts.

“We just got home. Was looking forward to some alone time.”

“I did promise you a raincheck, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did,” Phil confirms, scooting to the middle of the bed and patting the space beside him. “Are you a man of your word?”

Dan can’t help but laugh. “Yes. And you need to work on your enticing skills.”

“Why? I’ve already got you.”

“True,” Dan says, sitting beside Phil and pulling him into a kiss.

Phil murmurs something against Dan’s mouth, and Dan smiles when the two words finally click: “Welcome home.”


End file.
